Nerd VS Wild 5 - The Silly Brain

5. The Silly Brain

Alright so I have 3 days left of work and a lot of tidying up to do. My store that I’m running is a mess from the big Christmas rush and I’m finding it hard to catch up since sales are still going great. My boss thinks I’m just being lazy and there’s no convincing him I’m not. “That’s the thing about me” I say, “you can have great sales or a tidy store, but you can’t have both.” He then informs me that the state manager is going to visit and I’m also missing about $15k worth of bank deposits… Thanks mate.

So I get to the bank to investigate the missing deposits and the Teller informs me in a voice that suggests she thinks I’m a 4 year old child. “I’m sorry but we can’t tell you that information sir.” She tilts her head as if I asked her a really tricky question. Now as I said I usually avoid confrontation but I didn’t have time to stuff around. I put on my game face and said “Ma’am, here’s the deal, my wife and I are packing up and pissing off in 3 days. $15k is missing. It’s really important I don’t get arrested for suspected theft… Throw me a bone.” The teller tilted her head back to a level position,
“I’ll see what I can do.”

Finally after about an hour of buggering about at the bank, I get back to my store to phone our banking department. “Hey mate it’s Sarge from Robina. I talked to the bank and they are looking into it. I clearly remember making those deposits personally 2 days ago.” The banking tech types away on his computer and then informs me that they found the deposits in the system about 5 minutes after they informed my boss. I just hung up the phone in frustration, in shock and awe about the breakdown of communication. The rest of the day was uneventful, selling a few games, tidying up what I could. Then it was home time.

So this is where the fun began. I had just finished eating dinner and went to take my plate to the kitchen (which is unusual in itself) and something just popped in my head. Not an idea, but something literally popped in the back of my skull! The room started spinning and for some reason all I could think about was splashing water on my face. Courtenay and my parents were trying to hold me still but I pushed them away and made it to the bathroom and got some water only to collapse again.

So I have this history of high blood pressure and I think it finally caught up on me. Usual readings can be in the vicinity of 190/100 when the average person is at about 140/70. Court rushes me to the after-hours doctor who then informs me I have to go to hospital urgently. We rock up to the emergency department and the nurse looks over my vitals with wide eyed horror. “We better rush you through love!” she says to me, followed by the words no-one wants to hear “We suspect you have a bleed on the brain.” So by now it’s 8pm on the Tuesday night, and when the nurse said they would rush me through, that meant they would take forever while I decided whether to have a stroke or not. Now before you think I’m having a whinge about the staff, I have to say that the people of Gold Coast hospital are among the best, but they aren’t given the resources they need to be able to do their jobs to the best of their ability. So I was rushed through a series of exams and x-rays and got a bed at 6am on the Wednesday morning.

Playing Nintendo in hospital. Win!

Something the nurses do in the neuro ward is they have to ask you questions to make sure you don’t have brain damage. I hadn’t slept for going on 48hrs and this bubbly nurse comes in and asks me if I knew where I was. “Gold coast Hospital.” I reply. She then asks,
“Do you know who the prime minister of Australia is?”
“Lady, I know, and I’m not happy about it.” I joke. She informs me that that is an acceptable answer and so is “Julia Gillard or Ronald McDonald.” I instantly like this one.

Another test they do is they get you to stand up and ask you to push or pull on them to check your motor function. A new nurse walks in who looks about 12 years old and asks me to stand up. Legs still like jelly, I rise to my feet towering over her. She puts her arms out to catch me if I fall and I tell her, “I’m 115kg, if I fall you won’t be able to catch me so I suggest just letting me hit the deck.” She laughed assuming I was attempting humour even though I was serious.

The most memorable experience of my hospital stay? The MRI. Now I’m no expert on medical equipment but the MRI is designed to be the most uncomfortable experience ever. A male nurse picks me up in a wheelchair to take me down for an MRI. “Have you had one before?” he asks.
“Can’t say I have.” I reply nervously.
“Well,” he says “You’re in for a treat!” and he continues to wheel me down to the MRI department. When we get there, I see two solid, sound proof doors that the nurse knocks on then wishes me luck. I felt like he was sacrificing me to the MRI gods to appease them or something like that. A doctor opens the doors and wheels me in. “We need to give you a drip.” She informs me. “Do you have a problem with needles?” Now this question has always baffled me because who in their right mind is going to answer that question like this? “Hell yeah Doc, Stick me up. I love needles!” No-one. I tell her I’m fine with needles and as long as I look the other way while they insert the drip I’ll be ok. Turns out I wasn’t as ok with needles and I hit the deck.

The MRI procedure is basically this… Take one average sized guy, cram him into a tube, then scare the crap out of him with the loudest of noises. Seriously, the noises that machine produces was like banging on pots and pans with the occasion nails on a chalkboard or as kids these days refer to it, Techno or Dub-step music.

After another day in hospital and some much needed supplies (Nintendo and Chocolate) I was informed that the blockage in the base of my brain was gone and I could go home. My little holiday in hospital had taken up precious time in preparation and D-day was looming around the corner. The worst part was that I thought this was all over, we had no idea how serious this problem would become...