Nerd VS Wild - Polycraft boats!

  Polycraft boats...

So up until here I have avoided going fishing. Now don’t get me wrong, I love fishing but I lack one vital skill when it comes to being a fisherman, the ability to scale and fillet a fish. Now my father is a master fisherman. The best fisherman in the world in my opinion and I would hate to brag but he taught me some pretty mad skills. If my father is the Yoda of the fishing world, then I would be his apprentice, Luke Skywalker. So now you are probably thinking that if he’s as good as I say he is, why hasn't he taught me the ways of filleting? Glad you asked. Let me take you back to one year ago…

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my wife. But I’m annoying and she’s a pain in the ass and for some reason we were butting heads all weekend. I decided I wanted to do some fishing and where better to fish then to crash my favorite grey nomad’s peace… my parents. They were in Noosa at the time and I decided I was going to pay them a surprise visit. I rock up to Munna Point Caravan Park and spot their van easily. I knock on the door and there’s no answer. The car was there so I knew they wouldn't be too far away so I walked to the waterfront and there they were pulling into the boat ramp in their tinnie, the “HMAS Parsnip.” I asked my dad how the fishing is and he tells me there’s nothing to be caught. The way I see it if he says there’s no fish then there’s no fish but he offers to take me out for the last 30 mins of daylight there is. So I kick my mum out, who said she had better things to do anyway and cruise along for 5 minutes. “This looks like a good spot.” Dad says as he drops anchor. Now how he finds a spot has always baffled me because he will drive along and just say it, drop anchor and fish. God knows how he decides a good spot but he does and aside from the Hinze Dam, he has never steered me wrong.

Dad… being awesome.

I bait my hook with the smallest yabbie in his bucket and cast off. Literally 30 seconds after the hook hits the water I get a monster bite that almost yanks the rod out of my hand. I try to set the hook but then the line goes dead. Disappointed I start reeling in with no resistance hoping the next cast will yield better results. Suddenly my line starts pulling and I wind like crazy. Dad starts giving his yoda-like advice such as “Wind her in gently son” and “Easy does it now.” He keeps repeating similar messages in a calm voice. “HOLY SNAPPIN’ DUCKSHIT!” he then yells, almost making me fall out of the boat. Now when he does this you know you got something good. It’s not always the same sentence but some variation of it. He excitedly scurried for the net, rocking the boat furiously and simultaneously scaring the living daylights out of me. He then lifts the net out of the water to reveal a monster flathead. The reason it didn’t put up much of a fight? I had somehow managed to wrap my line around its neck, effectively hanging it in the process.

This leads to the reason why I can’t scale or fillet a fish. We get back to shore, and prepared to clean and fillet the fish. This is the best opportunity for father-son bonding time and I can’t wait for him to explain how it’s all done. “Now son,” he starts with his serious face on, “the trick is you have to have to flexible filleting knife.” I look in wonder at the awesomeness of my dad. He moves the knife into position and starts to explain. “This is where you sta…”
“Awww what’s that you got there?” some idiot walking past says. “Is that a flathead?” Dad nods his head. “It’s a flathead isn’t it?”
“Yeah mate” my father answers over his shoulder then looks to me to continue his lesson. “So son, you sta…”
“Awww, that’s a beauty isn’t it?” Dad rolls his eyes at me and turns to the stranger, “Yeah mate.” He replies and turns back to me. “You sta…”
“Where did you catch that?” By now I was pretty annoyed at the guy. Fishing is serious business and time spent with my dad is like my coffee time, no interruptions. “You got a boat or something?” the stranger asks. Dad impatiently points to the tinnie. “Awww, that’s a beaut isn’t it?” now to me a tinnie is a tinnie right? It’s a small aluminium boat that enables fishing. It doesn’t have mag wheels, a stereo, sub-woofers or neon lights. It’s a tinnie. Just like any other tinnie. By now you would think this guy got the hint we had no interest in talking to him as we had broken eye contact 5 minutes back. Dad moves the filleting knife back into position, “You sta…”
Awww, I’m thinking about getting one of them polycraft boats you know?”
“Never heard of them.” Dad replies in a short, sharp tone, turning back to me, “Sta…”
Awww, yeah I heard them polycraft boats are the way of the future.” The stranger kept going on and on about his stupid polycraft boats. I just told Dad to fillet the fish and I would learn another day which had never come. 

Now if you are that guy and you’re reading my story thinking “Hey that’s me!” I just want to say one thing… No one gives a shit about polycraft boats.

A polycraft boat… Beaut!