I have this theory about Sally, you see, I think the people
at the GPS company decided that just to mess with someone they would implant an
artificial intelligence personality into one of their GPS systems. The
personality would be a cross between The Terminator, Hitler and Darth Vader. So
I needed to get from Nowra to Batemans Bay, which I now know is about an hour
and a half drive on a nice, sealed section of road known at the Princes
Highway. Sally, being the soulless, evil and conniving GPS she is decided to
play on my geographically challenged brain and sent us on the right path up
until a town called Milton…
We hate you
too, Sally.
This is when Sally decided she would derail our pleasant
drive and send me on a course that even Colin McRae himself, would have had
trouble navigating on his best day.
Here’s a tip dear reader, if your GPS asks you if you want
to take the short way, don’t! Instead take the longest, slowest and safest way.
Milton is just north of Ulladulla which is roughly 45 minutes from Batemans Bay
down the highway. Sally thought “f**k that” and sent us on a back road… well
not a road, more like a motorbike trail which went up and down mountain ranges,
through (yes through) a cow paddock and along a mountainside that had dense
bush on one side, and a treacherous drop on the other.
GPS Makers
please note, No-one likes to detour through Jurassic Park… or Deliverance for
that matter
So Milton to Batemans Bay ended up being a 4WD trek that
lasted about 2hours, chewing through triple the fuel we had budgeted for.
Courtenay said in a way she was glad we were sidetracked because it allowed her
to see in her words “some beautiful country.” I don’t know about you, but all I
was waiting for was a T-rex to bust through the bushes ready to eat the
Chernobyl van. Once we got to the cow paddock however, I realized that coming
face to face with a pissed off bull the size of our car would be a sufficient
enough scare.
“No Bull.”
The best part of the detour? After the horrendous crawl
through the land before time, we came to this sign…
Even in the
days of horse and carriage, 18 kilometers in 2 hours would be considered slow…
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