Nerd VS Wild - The Corporal and the Colonel

After surviving the insane mountain drive that is the Kings Highway, I reflected on a part of my life that was no more. What seems like a lifetime ago now, I was in the Air Force. Unfortunately it didn't last very long thanks to my health, but there are some good memories I had there.

When I was being discharged, I was put in a unit called "transition cell" (TC for short.) The objective of TC was to help me readjust to civilian life. TC was pretty cruizy and for the most of it, we watched movies or helped around the base. The condition of watching movies was that they had to be military related. I seemed to be the master at finding a military link in anything we watched.

One day, Cpl (Corporal) *classified* walked in and we were watching "American Pie." Since I was the "Flight" (squad) orderly, he looked directly at me. "Hawthorn..." he said looking pretty stern, "What the @#$% does this have to do with the military?"
"Well Cpl *classified*, It shows that you work with your squad mates to achieve a common goal and stick together no matter what." Cpl *classified* looked at me, not very amused he said
"Shut the @#$% up Hawthorn."

This back and forth banter went on for a few weeks and one day he told me we were going to visit the Army base on the other side of *classified*. Cpl *classified* asked the rest of my flight if they had any formal requests for supplies etc. I turned to Cpl *classified* and said "You know what would be great Cpl *classified*? If we bought the boys back some KFC." I didn't realize it at the time but something must have ticked in his head about getting back at me for being a smartass all the time. Cpl *classified* looked at me and said "Fair enough Hawthorn, why don't you fill out a formal requisition form and if you can state your argument effectively I will get your flight KFC."

So here's the thing... Requisition forms are meant to be used to request new gear and important stuff, my requisition form looked something like this...

To Whom it May concern,

I, *classified* Hawthorn, formally request my flight have Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch due to the following reasons. 

First, KFC tastes amazing and makes people happy, therefor my troops will be happy, which will increase my flights morale. 

Secondly, if my formal request is accepted, I personally will purchase Cpl *classified* a Popcorn chicken combo. I'm not talking about the small one either, I will upsize that shit for free!

Lastly, you may ask (aside from the morale boost) what KFC has to do with the military, my answer is this, the founder of KFC was called the Colonel.

Sincerely,
*classified* Hawthorn
*classified* *classified*
*classified* 

I smiled and handed Cpl *classified* the form. Roughly 15 minutes later the entire *classified* base was called to parade. We marched to parade to find our very intimidating leader, Commander *classified* standing to address the base. Cmd *classified* began tearing shreds off the entire base stating that the military is not a playground and people need to stop @#$%ing about. Fair enough I thought to myself, and vowed not to joke around with Cpl *classified* anymore.

We were dismissed and as we were leaving Cpl *classified* called me over. He looked concerned and said "Hawthorn, I handed that form up the chain of command as a joke to get you back." I immediately shit a chicken. He continued "It will be on Commander *classified* desk as we speak." The blood drained from my face. I was packing bricks, this guy just told an entire military installation to stop messing about and on his desk is my KFC request!

Now I wasn't there to see this, but one of my Sgt's was in his office when it happened. Cmd *classified* got back to his desk, face still red from screaming at us, looked up at the Sgt and asked him what the request was on his desk. Sgt *classified* cool as ever says, "It's *classified* Hawthorns requisition order for *classified* flight. He reads and and then breaks into laughter, saying only one word "Amusing" then slaps a big "denied" stamp on it.

I left a legacy at *classified* base. Turns out my form was being used as an example of what NOT to do with a requisition form. You're welcome ADF, you're welcome.