Ever since Conspiracy Entertainment entered the kitchen, they have been out of their depth. I had the unfortunate displeasure of them serving up a copy of Ninjabread man to me, here's my thoughts...
Where do I start with this mess? I have had a two year old toddler poop something better than this game. The presentation is !$&@ing awful. It looks like someone got some takeout, left it in the !$@&ing sun for a week then passed it off as their masterpiece. There is no $&@!ing fun to be had here. The gameplay is missing like one of my apprentices after they dropped burning oil on themselves, and about as fun as receiving third degree burns. You essentially walk around with a machete attempting to cut your way through uninteresting bad guys. I'm sure if the controls weren't overcooked into oblivion this would be $&@"ing ok to play but as it stands you fight the controls like you would fight salmonella you got from a dodgy street $&@"ing vendor who sold you chicken from the back of a van.
The menu screen is $&@"ing ridiculous bouncing around a clunky cursor over
Impossibly small buttons. The graphics resemble raw chicken, just terrible. It's not too hard for a game to look decent on Nintendo's Wii console but somehow the developers managed to $&@" that up to.
So in conclusion, this game is an undercooked, salmonella inducing meal that may have had potential which was soon stamped out by making everything exceptionally $&@"ing terrible. Avoid it like my wife's cooking!
-Gordon
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