Duke Nukem Forever. The name alone sends a shiver down any gamers spine when they hear it. The real question many ask is, how after countless years of development, did this abomination get released? I don't even know where to start on this review which is probably what the developers at Gearbox thought when this steaming pile of turd landed on their desk.
...or we can not and then just say we did.
Let's start with the graphics, which for the majority of the time look like they are a Playstation 2 port. Yes that's right I said the majority of the time. You know a game is bad when the half assed level design changes into an ok level design for an hour or two. This is the major fault with DNF, too many cooks spoiled the broth and it shows throughout the entire experience. There are times where the game shows a brief section of potential, which is clearly Gearboxes influence. These sections are few and far between however and cannot save this train wreck of a game from utter failure.
From the future of 1998 it's Duke Nukem's graphics
The sound design is awful. Duke Nukem makes quips that you would expect to hear on an episode of Jersey Shore. His personality and character development starts and ends with literally "I'm Duke Nukem, I must have sex and kill aliens." If this was real life, Duke Nukem would most likely be a registered sex offender or at his very best, kicked in the balls until he passed out from the pain.
This screenshot actually looks great... but it's a render and
does not represent the final product.
DNF's gameplay is about as enjoyable as getting a prostate exam from Captain Hook. Most puzzles are jumping platform sections and crappy fetch quests which probably wouldn't be so bad if the controls were responsive. Controlling Duke is like having your hands broken by Joe Pesci in that scene from Casino, then trying to play a game of poker.
It's unfortunate that Duke Nukem Forever turned out to be so bad that even Gearbox from Borderlands fame couldn't save it. I don't think Duke's quips belong in this day and age and I'm not sure they belonged in any age for that matter. But back in the days of Duke Nukem 3D, it was shock value mixed with good gameplay. These days, the only shock you get is wondering what happened to this franchise...
Avoid it like the plague.
So What's it like?
Best described as Punching yourself in the face + hanging out with the cast of Jersey Shore = Duke Nukem Forever
I give it 2/10 (Which is being generous)
-Sarge
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